Being feces-ish this Weekend

From past near misses, I know that my bowels are generally, shall we say "looser" when I'm out climbing. I'm not sure if it's the constant abdominal flexing that's part of vertical movement on rock, if it's being "scared shitless" as the saying goes, or if it's now a pavlovian reaction prompted by the thought of climbing. In any case, I'm aware of it, so as a matter of practice, in the morning before climbing I clear the system. Then, I'm free to spend the day facing all the various challenges lighter and unencumbered by waste product.

Saturday was no different. Well, up until mid afternoon, thirty feet into a climb, that is. All of a sudden, the belly had that impending feeling. Yup, this wasn't just one of those "Just wanted to give you a heads up: I'll be coming out soon." This was more like "Your water just broke! I think I see a head!"

Still, I briefly considered ignoring it. Climbing hard generally keeps one pretty focused, so I thought that maybe I'd forget about it as I got into the harder section. But for that same reason, I thought better of it -- why have to worry about digestive problems when thoughts of gravity and forearm endurance will be more pressing?

So I notified Theresa of the situation and she lowered me to the beginning of the climb. But here's the catch - all the climbs where we were climbing started up on a ledge a hundred or so feet off the deck. And that ledge was only several feet wide. So voiding the loins was not simply a matter of running off behind a tree a safe distance away from the crowds. The solution -- pretty simple: I needed to hang my bum over the edge and do my business. My climbing sense of safety, however, dictated that such a position meant that I needed to stay tied into the rope. Sooooo, I fashioned a chest harness so that I could remove my normal climbing harness from my waist.

All tied in, I assumed position, Theresa politely (or fearfully) averted her eyes (and nose), and I went about my business. All proceed normally until I realized that I miscalculated how far my bum was hanging over the edge and how much projectile motion my waste would obtain upon exit...so it ended up landing a just barely avoidable six inches below me. Wherefrom a breeze rocketted into the wall and upwards, wafting the scent to the party climbing above me. They gamely called down to me that I needed to find a different updraft to do my business. A little late I thought.

Anyway, I then finished my climb in good style. After climbing hiked a beautiful, if somewhat misnavigated, two hour route back to car.